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Pitches...they really stink!

I'm over at Miss Snarks First Victim Pitch workshop and needless to say, it's been brutal:(

I know I need help with my pitch, my query letter, and now my log line. Yikes! 35 - 70 words is all I have???????????

That's why I have been joining all these workshops. I need help. Any ideas or suggestions would be more than appreciated.

The following is the logistics...Here we go:

Character: A beautiful fairy with a perfect life, UNTIL

Conflict: banished from home due to a broken wing (deformities are frowned upon, especially for royalty, which she is. She WAS next in line for the throne...evil sister that she had...)

Decision: stay with the humans or return home

Stakes: the entire community will die without her magical power of the “life giver”

Go ahead. Ask questions.  As you can see, I need serious help...


  1. Wow! Sounds like a really awesome story! I'm dying to know more! Unfortunately, I'm HORRIBLE at writing query letters and pitches and stuff, so I'm probably not the best person to ask for help. Good luck with it, though!

  2. Sorry, I'm in the same boat, but I am curious about the evil sister and what she's doing to interfere. What's her sister's power and I'm curious about living with the humans and being a fairy. Heck, I'm curious about the entire story. Thanks for sharing. Hope one of my questions helped.

  3. I would start with her gift since that plays a crucial role later on and go on from there. I should probably stay away from giving advice, though, since I too such at the query thing.

  4. Ugh! I'm at Miss Snark's too and it's been just as brutal! I could use help too! (I'm number 3. I updated my pitch somewhere in the comments... which have the subsequent commenters failed to notice)

    Maybe: (obviously, you don't need to take this or anything)

    A beautiful fairy next in line for the throne is banished due to her deformity, a broken wing. She must decide to stay with the humans who accept her or save the people who betrayed her.

    This story sounds really awesome! Good luck!

  5. I know how you're feeling. I'm #15. The first few comments drove me to rewrite my pitch, but then they became more encouraging.

    Your story sounds great! I love the concept. How's this (bearing in mind I also stink at pitch writing):

    Heir to the throne of the fairies, (name) had a perfect life until she was banished because of a broken wing. Now she has to decide whether seek refuge with the humans, or to fight her evil sister for the crown. Her people's lives hang in the balance, because without her magical abilities as the life giver, (__consequence__).

    I know that's horrible, but it might be a good start. :D Good luck!

  6. I'm sorry, I know you need help, but I like your story. I would definitely read it. Though, I think Laura has a great pitch. I wrote close to twenty pitches for my query letter and I ended up going with one I just felt very confident about. So just keep writing them and eventually one will stick with you. Sorry if that is not very helpful.

  7. I like the way you broke it down into categories. That's very helpful for me. Thanks.

    Only the parenthetical part about the sister seemed confusing. I think I knew what you meant, but wasn't sure.

  8. Ink, I feel ya. Pitches are SO hard! but to cheer you up I left you a blog award....hop on over to my blog and check it out!!!

  9. I'm coming in late, but I'd love to know what age you're writing for. Here's my take on one way you could do it, though I'm not great at log lines:

    A broken wing banishes a beautiful fairy, ending her chance for the throne. She must decide to stay with the mortals who embrace her, or battle her sister to save those who rejected her.

    Good luck!


  10. This is a super awesome premise. I SUCK way too much at pitches but... I'll give it a go. (Just because you're lovely).

    FAIRY was next in line for the thrown until her deformity forced her to leave in disgrace and live with humans. What the fairies who forced her out didn't realise, is without their 'life giver' they're doomed. FAIRY is forced to choose a life of acceptance with the humans, or a life of disgrace with the fairies who need her.

    OBVIOUSLY this sucks because 1. I've tried to write it 'dry' so you can see basically what I'm aiming for. And 2. It, well... it just sucks.

    Hopefully I've helped, even if I've just shown you what not to do.

    Good Luck!


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