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Writer In Motion CP feedback

Hey beautiful guys and dolls! Here it is! My CP feedback edited story. Had a hard time with this, but I hope it makes sense. I've got a post I'm working on I plan to put up after Thanksgiving. Here ya go. Enjoy... Every morning I wake to carnival day. Today, though, I have my key. If I don’t use it before midnight, my way of escape will gone. It’s a silver key with a twisted metal handle, a sapphire stone half moon and engraved stars. There’s a tiny inscription on the moon, but it’s so small, I’ve never been able to read it.I’ve always kept mine in my jewelry box, but today, I string it on a ribbon and tie it around my neck. My two best friends will be wearing theirs, too, and I wonder how they will escape this carnival of dreams. “What’s it for?” Cress asks as we stand in line for the swings. I run my fingertips over the entire silver surface. “I don’t know. It belonged to my grandmother,” I say. “Whatever.” She shrugs her shoulder in a dismissive way. “Have

Insecure Writers Group

Today, my feelings are mixed. On one hand, I've faced more rejection and that's not easy to write about or admit to the world. But I am not crying in my "milk" (no beer, folks:) I want to, but what good would it do??? I received a detailed critique from a "Best First Line" contest. The critique was the best I have ever received and seriously opened my eyes to "how" to improve my writing. Nice! Speaking of critiques, I am still looking for a critique partner. If anyone is looking back, please let me know and we can swap info. I'm sending off a YA query letter and first pages to 3 agents this week. Wish me luck. This will be the first time I have directly contacted and agent with a query. Yes, I'm nervous, so I'm saying again, WISH ME LUCK!!!

Workshop 13

First, sorry about the wonky formatting. I tried, but couldn't fix it... Passive voice. Do you know what passive voice is and why you shouldn't use much passive voice in your writing? It's fairly easy to define, but much harder to avoid in you writing. Passive Voice: It can be defined as using the object of a sentence as the subject, combined with a the "be" form and past participle. Example: The snowman has been melted by the sun. Poor snowman! Frosty just can't take the heat! But, seriously, here's the breakdown. The snowman is the wrongly placed subject. has been melted uses the "be" form verb has been and adds the past participle melted . by the sun is a prepositional phrase, with sun as the object of the preposition. We can remove the "be" form helping verbs, change the subject and remove the prepositional phrase, and TA-DA! no more passive voice

Ink in the Book

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