Skip to main content

#9

Title: Going Thru Hell
Genre: Adult Urban Fantasy
Word Count: 72,000

Query: 

-->
For Kylie Rippons changing events in time is like braiding. Except the steep cost the power demands – she must forfeit a pieces of soul.
The gods want her unique skills for their never-ending wars, uncaring of the cost she must bear. But she prefers sanity with her tattered spirit intact. The only solution is to wage war against the powerful immortals using secondary abilities, especially if it guarantees her beloved son, Riot, will remain a secret.
Two ancient goddesses, an outcast Valkyrie and a rogue Beserker team up with Kylie to protect and fight with her. Together, they hunt the gods, in hopes of forcing them leave her alone. Too bad life gets in the way. She loses battles, betrayed by a beloved ally, and finds herself on the verge being completely soulless.
 Kylie wants her son, sanity and live a life of peace in the Denver suburbs. Instead, the gods learn of young Riot, a demi-god with the same power as his mother, and intend to use him as leverage. She must face her worst nightmare: braid time and temporarily remove the threat to Riot - losing soul and sanity in the process, or find the courage to follow one bright string depicting a time line in which Riot is safe. And she is dead.

First Page:

I desperately wanted to bang my head on the desk but the boss would only make me pay for any damages. Glancing over the desk, trying to find anything heavy I could throw at the arrogant god which refused to shut up. He'd only laugh at any pathetic attempt to shut him up with pencil holders and files. The PC tower might work. I shook my head, the paycheck couldn't take the hit.

To make matters even funnier, the god in question couldn't be seen by anyone else. My co-workers would have great stories of me throwing various objects at thin air. Last Christmas party notwithstanding, I didn't need any more rumors circulating.

“Go. Away.” I narrowed my eyes. Amun was built like any other male god I'd ever seen – tall, muscular, handsome. The only difference could be seen in his bronze skin, beautiful mahogany colored eyes and straight, smooth, thick black hair. He always wore a stupid St. Louis Rams t-shirt. Both of his wrists were encircled by badly inked ram tats.

Comments

  1. akaterrieFebruary 9, 2013 at 6:38 PM

    I love this except this reminds me a little too much of a few of my favorite published authors. I'd like to see more of you and your voice in the story. I think your holding back.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Writer In Motion CP feedback

Hey beautiful guys and dolls! Here it is! My CP feedback edited story. Had a hard time with this, but I hope it makes sense. I've got a post I'm working on I plan to put up after Thanksgiving. Here ya go. Enjoy... Every morning I wake to carnival day.  Today, though, I have my key. If I don’t use it before midnight, my way of escape will gone. It’s a silver key with a twisted metal handle, a sapphire stone half moon and engraved stars. There’s a tiny inscription on the moon, but it’s so small, I’ve never been able to read it.I’ve always kept mine in my jewelry box, but today, I string it on a ribbon and tie it around my neck. My two best friends will be wearing theirs, too, and I wonder how they will escape this carnival of dreams. “What’s it for?” Cress asks as we stand in line for the swings. I run my fingertips over the entire silver surface. “I don’t know. It belonged to my grandmother,” I say. “Whatever.” She shrugs her shoulder in a dismissive way. “Have
3 comments
Read more

Insecure Writers Group

Today, my feelings are mixed. On one hand, I've faced more rejection and that's not easy to write about or admit to the world. But I am not crying in my "milk" (no beer, folks:) I want to, but what good would it do??? I received a detailed critique from a "Best First Line" contest. The critique was the best I have ever received and seriously opened my eyes to "how" to improve my writing. Nice! Speaking of critiques, I am still looking for a critique partner. If anyone is looking back, please let me know and we can swap info. I'm sending off a YA query letter and first pages to 3 agents this week. Wish me luck. This will be the first time I have directly contacted and agent with a query. Yes, I'm nervous, so I'm saying again, WISH ME LUCK!!!
69 comments
Read more

Workshop 13

First, sorry about the wonky formatting. I tried, but couldn't fix it... Passive voice. Do you know what passive voice is and why you shouldn't use much passive voice in your writing? It's fairly easy to define, but much harder to avoid in you writing. Passive Voice: It can be defined as using the object of a sentence as the subject, combined with a the "be" form and past participle. Example: The snowman                               has been melted                          by the sun. Poor snowman! Frosty just can't take the heat! But, seriously, here's the breakdown.   The snowman is the wrongly placed subject. has been melted uses the "be" form verb has been and adds the past participle melted . by the sun is a prepositional phrase, with sun as the object of the preposition. We can remove the "be" form helping verbs, change the subject and remove the prepositional phrase, and TA-DA! no more passive voice
23 comments
Read more