Skip to main content

Never Give Up: Part 3

Where do you go after you introduce the character and the conflict? Well, that thing you need it the choice. What are the chices your MC has to make? Is there a multitude of choices? Does the choice he or she needs to make come with consequences? Tell us about the choice your MC needs to make.

Here is my last paragraph:

To unlock the powers for the book, River connects with some underground forces who promise they have the answers she need. The choice comes at a high price for Shae. Now River must choose between finding her own identity or doing what is right for Shae. Or, she can search for the answer that will save them both.

I know. Mine is way too vague. I need to be more precise. More detailed. And it would be an obvious choice to try and help out both girls, wouldn't it? So my "hanger" isn't very compelling.

What about you? How's your query? Does it match up to the outlines given by Matt? Have you changed yours? Let me know!

Comments

  1. Oh I've changed mine. About three more times since the version on my blog. That's about five different queries. And, even though I'm sure there'll be more tweaking, I feel heaps better about the last version than the first one (I found my first attempt yesterday. Hidden in some out of the way folder. It bad).

    On your query: I think you're right that it's an obvious choice for River to find a solution for both girls. The average person would attempt it, yes. Does it mean the alternative is doable? I dunno. But, for me, it isn't about the can. River MUST discover a way to save them both. Because you know she's the sort of girl who does that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know about rewrites! Sometimes it is exasperating. sometimes it is exciting. Especially when you finally think you have nailed it:)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Operation Agent Ink

UPDATE: PLEASE FILL OUT THIS QUESTIONNAIRE AFTER YOU SIGN UP. Have you ever wondered what agents were dying to find in their inbox/slush pile? There have been many times I entered a contest and not even received a comment, not even from one of the agents. Or maybe the agent was kind enough to leave a comment that simply said, "Sorry, this just isn't what I'm looking for, but I love the premise and your voice." I always walk away feeling unsatisfied. If I had known exactly what the agent wanted beyond, "YA" or "Fantasy" I might not have even entered a contest I knew I wouldn't win! Even more, I wasted a very busy agents time! Well, your time of guessing is up! OPERATION AGENT INK to the rescue! That's right! This workshop will help aspiring authors get on the list of an agent's WISH LIST! When the workshop is over, your manuscript will be ready to view by a group of AMAZING agents who are dying to see what you've wri

Writer In Motion CP feedback

Hey beautiful guys and dolls! Here it is! My CP feedback edited story. Had a hard time with this, but I hope it makes sense. I've got a post I'm working on I plan to put up after Thanksgiving. Here ya go. Enjoy... Every morning I wake to carnival day.  Today, though, I have my key. If I don’t use it before midnight, my way of escape will gone. It’s a silver key with a twisted metal handle, a sapphire stone half moon and engraved stars. There’s a tiny inscription on the moon, but it’s so small, I’ve never been able to read it.I’ve always kept mine in my jewelry box, but today, I string it on a ribbon and tie it around my neck. My two best friends will be wearing theirs, too, and I wonder how they will escape this carnival of dreams. “What’s it for?” Cress asks as we stand in line for the swings. I run my fingertips over the entire silver surface. “I don’t know. It belonged to my grandmother,” I say. “Whatever.” She shrugs her shoulder in a dismissive way. “Have

EVER Blog Hop!!!!!

I joined a blog hop flash writing contest with/for Jessa Russo. It's in honor of her first EVER book release. I met Jessa during the Curiosity Quills Blog hop. I have never read a ghost story, but after reading Jessa's query and first few pages and then learning more about her ghost Frankie, I was so inspired, I fell in love -with Frankie. I was so inspired, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and write a story I had never written before and never thought I would write. Or even want to write. But I did, and I did. My piece for the contest is a small part of my bigger manuscript I wrote. I had to modify and change a few things so the story would make sense, but I think it works. At least, I hope it does:) How to vote: Comment at the end of the end of this post. You must have the word "VOTE" in your comment for it to be considered valid. VOTING IS OPEN UNTIL SEPTEMBER 30TH!!!! Ready? Well, lets go! --> The Man With the Black Hood knocked