Friday, September 21, 2012

EVER Blog Hop!!!!!

I joined a blog hop flash writing contest with/for Jessa Russo. It's in honor of her first EVER book release. I met Jessa during the Curiosity Quills Blog hop. I have never read a ghost story, but after reading Jessa's query and first few pages and then learning more about her ghost Frankie, I was so inspired, I fell in love -with Frankie. I was so inspired, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and write a story I had never written before and never thought I would write. Or even want to write. But I did, and I did. My piece for the contest is a small part of my bigger manuscript I wrote. I had to modify and change a few things so the story would make sense, but I think it works. At least, I hope it does:)

How to vote: Comment at the end of the end of this post. You must have the word "VOTE" in your comment for it to be considered valid.


VOTING IS OPEN UNTIL SEPTEMBER 30TH!!!!
Ready? Well, lets go!
-->
The Man With the Black Hood knocked on my door last night, but I refused to answer his calling card. He came around and tapped on the window glass of my bedroom and that’s when I knew I couldn’t ignore him any longer. My mother always told me to never look him directly in the eye, but sometimes I don’t listen. Tonight proved to be my biggest mistake. His eyes met mine and with one fearful gaze he held me spellbound. I couldn’t resist the pull from the palm of his hand as he placed it against the windowpane. Drizzling rain oozed between his skin and the glass. I reached up and placed my hand against his and watched as the water turned red at my touch.

The Man With the Black Hood motioned for me to open the window. My shaking hands unlatched the bolt and opened the shuttered window. Cold wind whistled past my face. I love the rain at night when I’m trying to fall asleep, but tonight I hated it. Even the smell of fresh, wet dirt couldn’t entice me to relax. I feared this night all my life and now it was here. Where would he take me? What would he tell me about my destiny?

With a fluid motion I crawled out the window and stood facing him. If I didn’t let go of my fear this very moment, it would follow me for the rest of my life. I needed courage, craved it, must have it. So I dropped the terror from my heart and stamped it into the ground. Water sloshed over my bare foot sending chills up my leg.

He took my hand and together we walked into the night. My toes squished through the soaked grass and the hem of my nightgown turned a mixture of brown and green, sticking to my ankles with an icy dampness. The rain blinded me and stung my eyes. I hoped we didn’t need to travel a long way. The Man With the Black Hood followed the path leading to the family cemetery and to my surprise he stopped at the gate. Turning to me, he pushed me forward, through the opening. The gate is rarely left open but tonight it swung freely as if it expected my company.

“Why are we here?” I asked, but in my heart, I already knew. I had never said goodbye to him. My heart broke when they took him away. I didn’t want to face life without him. He nudged my shoulder to move forward and I walked on toward Colton's grave. I stopped reverently beside his headstone. Falling to my knees I traced his name with my finger while my tears mingled with the raindrops on my cheeks.

Rain pelted down, splattering the mud-covered mound of dirt plastering his grave. No flowers decorated the gravesite. No sun warmed the earth. No friends gathered to send their condolences. Only cold, stinging rain.

"I don't want to be here," I screamed out. "Please. Take me away."

The Man With the Black Hood touched my cheek. Even through the freezing rain his hand felt warm. With his touch, he transported us to the lighthouse over looking the sea. Far below the cliffs, waves splashed madly against the rocks. I couldn't look down. Fear mocked my heart, saying Colton's lifeless body might still be there. 

Before I could tear my eyes from the terrorizing view, we were inside the lighthouse. The very spot Colton first kissed me. He asked me to stay with him forever and I promised. I said yes and his happy laughter followed him over the side of the cliff as he ran from me, begging me to chase him. To follow him. But I couldn't.

The Man With the Black Hood removed his hood, letting it fall gently around his shoulders. When he spoke, all he said was my name. At first.

"Kaleah."

"Kaleah? You promised you would never leave me. You promised to stay with me forever," he whispered.

I trembled with joy.

"Colton? It's you?"

His lips brushed mine and his sweet scent filled the air. I melted in his embrace.

"Promise to never leave again. Promise me, Kaleah."

"But I'm not with you now. I couldn't follow you over the cliff. I knew it was dangerous. I tried to stop you, but you wouldn't listen. I was scared. I'm so sorry, Colton.

He took my hand and walked back to the edge of the cliff and pointed. I looked down, to the crashing water, foaming on the rocky beach far below. When the waves rolled back, there lay Colton's still form. I lay next to him, my fingers wrapped in his hand.


 

99 comments:

  1. Wow. That was amazing. The idea creeped me out completely because my son (when he was little--about six) used to talk about a black hooded man who came to the window to watch him. He's sixteen now and he still swears it was real. I know him well enough to know something bizarre was going on when he was a kid cause he was never the exaggerating/lying type. Soon as I started reading your story I got chills.

    Anyway, I digress. Even without the personal connection, that was amazing. The ending gave me chills. NICE job. I've seen this and one other one that I would totally choose--if I wasn't in the contest.Good thing I'm not the competitive type or I'd be crying in me wheaties right now. haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooohhh. Thanks Tamara! You know, I almost voted on yours before I realized I would be voting against me:)
      But thanks for the compliment:) your story was great too!!!

      Delete
  2. You have my VOTE! Wonderful story, and I totally relate to the cliff and the rocky beach below!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay for another vote. Thanks a mil Yolanda !!

      Delete
  3. I VOTE for this one!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Anonymous. But I need a name before the vote can count. Come back with your John Hancock. Please!

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Yay yay. I love votes. Thanks sooooo much:)

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Thanks Jonathan! Now, tell your friends to drop by and vote:)
      I hope I'm not sounding like a political party, that I won't mention any names...

      Delete
  6. WOW! Talynn! I was not expecting that ending! Awesome job!

    So glad you entered! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Okay, now I know what you're fully capable of! This was amazing Talynn! You had me hooked from beginning to end! And that's something!!! I vote for this one right here!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really Crystal? Thanks. You made me smile:) and thank you so much for your vote!!

      Delete
  8. A spell-binding story. LOVED the ending. This is my favorite line: "So I dropped the terror from my heart and stamped it into the ground." I can visualize Kaleah doing just that. Beautifully-worded.

    This piece has my VOTE!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Janette! That's one if my favorite lines too. I have a couple others, though. One of them is the line about tears mingling with the rain.
      Thanks super a lot for the vote:)

      Delete
  9. Hi again. Okay. Here you go. VOTE!My husband says I'm crazy voting against my own but I explained that I had to choose the one I actually thought was better. :) You did such a great job on this and you gave me some really awesome ideas for the next time I give this a go. (On writing tips, not stealing your story ideas haha)

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are an amazing writer this story was great I VOTE for this one.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you, Mitch. :) I hoped you would get over here and vote for me!

    ReplyDelete
  12. This was a tremendous story! I want to VOTE for you and I hope you win! Good job mom :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Kelley! Thank you for voting! Yippie:)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow, very cool, unexpected ending. You've got my vote!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I know you are my friend but I VOTE for this one. After all, what are friends for?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow! U have my vote!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Becky!! Is this the Becky I know?
      Thanks , with lots of sugar, for voting?

      Delete
  17. Replies
    1. Hi Debbie! Thanks for visiting today! And thanks for your vote:)

      Delete
  18. oh WOW, this is very creepy indeed. But amazing! I will vote for this :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Trisha! I appreciate your visit and your vote!

      Delete
  19. I totally vote for you! That was some terrific writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Heather! I'm so happy you gave me a vote:)

      Delete
  20. Excellent job. You've got my vote. I love ghost stories.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Lois! Believe it or not, I've just recently started reading them:)

      Delete
  21. What a great story! I VOTE for this story ( from the best son-in-law you have)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Replies
    1. I thought you'd never get over here and vote!

      Delete
  23. Replies
    1. Hey Liz!!!! How have you been? Come visit me soon! Thanks for the vote!!!!!!

      Delete
  24. oooh I give this a VOTE for sure. The ending definitely gave me chills.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Vikki:) I REALLY appreciate your vote!

      Delete
  25. I vote. This was scary.
    I'm Levi's friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I liked your story. It was scary. I vote for you to win.

      Delete
    2. Thanks Eli and Ethan. You are both sweet.

      Delete
  26. Replies
    1. Hi Kimmy! Thanks and hope to see you all soon:) I miss you guys:(

      Delete
  27. Hi. I'm Gabe. Levi's friend. I read you ghost story. I vote here.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Replies
    1. Thanks for voting. I'm sorry I didn't explain it right the first time and I appreciate you coming back here to vote:)

      Delete
  29. I love this story, I didn't expect the Man with the Black Hood to be someone she knew, and I certainly didn't expect that ending! It was kind of bittersweet, which I like :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thanks Laura! Your is great, too:) best wishes on the 30th:)

    ReplyDelete
  31. AmAzing!!! I love reading your stories!!! You will always have my vote!!!! Love you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Robin! How's everyone doing? Give the kids and your hubby a hug from me:)
      Love you, too:)

      Delete
  32. Nice. I vota ve vou!
    VOTE!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Replies
    1. Thank you!
      I love your blog:)
      And your reviews:)

      Delete
  34. I VOTE for this one:) great job!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Amazing story! Good job, "mom";)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops, I VOTE for this one:) haha

      Delete
    2. LOL! Thanks for reading and voting:)

      Delete
  36. I enjoyed it very much. I vote for your story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was wondering when you'd get over her to vote for me. Thanks!

      Delete
  37. You for sure have my vote!!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Replies
    1. Thanks! Glad you liked it, and I'm really glad you gave me a vote:)

      Delete