Friday, February 8, 2013

#11

Title: Dragon
Genre: Adult Fantasy with Romantic Elements
Word Count: 72,000


Query: 

Dear Agents,

The mighty dragons who have defended Kalon for centuries are dying, victims of merciless attacks by a foreign dragon clan. The dragon council is panicking and desperate to find a replacement for the females they've lost. Maayin is their last hope, never mind she has lived under the assumption of being human for eighteen years.

Taken from her home, told she is a dragon, Maayin is unwilling to trust anyone but Jaimin, her young tutor. He has his own reservations about keeping her imprisoned in all but name and promises to return her to her home if she can prove she is human and of no use to the council's scheme of using her to keep the species viable.

Her struggle to accept the truth of being a dragon brings her dangerously closer to Jaimin. She doesn't know that her tutor is keeping her from an elder dragon who is more than willing to destroy Maayin's spirit in favour of obeying the council's plans. Nor is she aware that her growing feelings for Jaimin go against the ancient law forbidding them from being together.

When Maayin at last learns of the council's plan, she flees and falls right into the grasp of the murderous dragon clan. There she discovers other females, prisoners from the Kalon kingdom. This fate will become hers if she does not escape. But freedom will mean returning to face the council's plan and the dragon they've chosen for her. Unless she can somehow convince the council to let her choose her own mate.

DRAGON, complete at 72,000 words, is a standalone Fantasy novel told in the alternating POVs of Maayin and Jaimin.


First Page: 

Maay hummed as she worked the old loom, the dull clack of wood a lullaby to her ears. Sunlight blazed into the solarium, the normally stifling heat cooled every so often by a gust coming through the open windows.  She cocked her head to the sound of footsteps echoing from down the hall. Men. It had to be, for their boots hit the stone with such a racket and the occasional, punctuating clink of metal.

Frowning at the woven threads before her, she idly looped another through the strands. It sounded like guards. What would they be doing here? Not many men came to this quarter of the castle, mostly servants with their soft shoes and the irritating habit of blending into the background.

She glanced over her shoulder, perusing the room. Her gaze settled on the plants that separated the solarium from the other rooms and screened the bulk of the sunlight from those entering. The green leaves bobbed in the breeze. Bright, inviting and absent of extra shadows.

Yes, she was still alone. Figures. The first time she wanted a servant nearby and there were none around. But was that not why she'd chosen this section of the castle in the first place? To be alone?

Perhaps she was imagining things. Why earlier, Maay could have sworn she'd heard the mighty whump of wings overhead. Although she’d hurried to the window and risked falling as she leant out to see, nothing untoward had caught her eye. She could seek out answers. Someone would know. Except, in leaving her weaving incomplete, she risked returning to discover someone, like one of her sweet younger sisters, had lovingly unravelled it.

The shuttle skipped a thread. Grumbling, she redid the line. She had to finish it before the autumn banquet next week. This would be the year she finally completed a tapestry in time. Allowing herself to be treated like a child until the next year was unthinkable. Not when this autumn marked her eighteenth year.

4 comments:

  1. Incredibly vivid. I invite you to read this work aloud to yourself. I know you are capable of improving the story. That's when I would like to see it.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading my entry. Unfortunately, over the years, I've done what you've suggested numerous times and have had it critiqued even more.

      Is there anything specific you would be willing to point out that I could focus on?

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  2. I think there's more to the story! Sometimes we're afraid to "bloom" and I think you might be there. That's why I suggest reading out loud. Perhaps, a trusted writing partner could read to you? It sounds simple, but there's a lack of focus because you have so many wonderful things happening. I'm quite pleased by the work, but it needs to tighten to the point that I can't stand to NOT read the next line. Does that make sense? Right now, I'm not certain what the next line will bring me.

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    Replies
    1. The next line? Well the focus swings back to the men. Are they knights? Cause that'll mean dragons.

      This piece is tightened as far as I am willing to go with it without specific reasoning as to why I should alter it, I've already cut and reworded this until I was sick to death of reading anything.
      Having another read it aloud would be impossible given the lack of willing people and my inability to focus on someone doing so for long due to my hearing. That last is not an excuse but a fact, like there are no writing groups in my area leaving me with online communication. That's what I get for being at the bottom of the world.

      Guess this story will sit with me a while longer, right alongside my epic science fantasy (that is too "out there" for anyone to want) and my semi-historic paranormal (that I have an R&R on) until a decision is reached on my other fantasy tale.

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