Where do you go after you introduce the character and the conflict? Well, that thing you need it the choice. What are the chices your MC has to make? Is there a multitude of choices? Does the choice he or she needs to make come with consequences? Tell us about the choice your MC needs to make.
Here is my last paragraph:
To unlock the powers for the book, River connects with some underground forces who promise they have the answers she need. The choice comes at a high price for Shae. Now River must choose between finding her own identity or doing what is right for Shae. Or, she can search for the answer that will save them both.
I know. Mine is way too vague. I need to be more precise. More detailed. And it would be an obvious choice to try and help out both girls, wouldn't it? So my "hanger" isn't very compelling.
What about you? How's your query? Does it match up to the outlines given by Matt? Have you changed yours? Let me know!
Here is my last paragraph:
To unlock the powers for the book, River connects with some underground forces who promise they have the answers she need. The choice comes at a high price for Shae. Now River must choose between finding her own identity or doing what is right for Shae. Or, she can search for the answer that will save them both.
I know. Mine is way too vague. I need to be more precise. More detailed. And it would be an obvious choice to try and help out both girls, wouldn't it? So my "hanger" isn't very compelling.
What about you? How's your query? Does it match up to the outlines given by Matt? Have you changed yours? Let me know!
Oh I've changed mine. About three more times since the version on my blog. That's about five different queries. And, even though I'm sure there'll be more tweaking, I feel heaps better about the last version than the first one (I found my first attempt yesterday. Hidden in some out of the way folder. It bad).
ReplyDeleteOn your query: I think you're right that it's an obvious choice for River to find a solution for both girls. The average person would attempt it, yes. Does it mean the alternative is doable? I dunno. But, for me, it isn't about the can. River MUST discover a way to save them both. Because you know she's the sort of girl who does that.
I know about rewrites! Sometimes it is exasperating. sometimes it is exciting. Especially when you finally think you have nailed it:)
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