You may read part one here!
Now, if you have your first paragraph written and have included your main MC, a splattering of backstory without being boring and ended with the inciting moment, you are ready for paragraph TWO! yay!
Here we go. In the 2nd paragraph, Matt instructs us to add the conflict and mix it with a little of the setting details. Add in a bit of the stakes involved and AVOID cliches. Accomplish this, and you are 2/3 finished with your query. Woot, woot!
Here is my 2nd paragraph:
The Book steals memories when placed in the wrong hands. Shae
Conniers thought she had swiped a cool looking journal but it ends up she
gotten nothing but trouble. The powers of the Book sound intriguing to Shae but
when the memories swirling around her head turn scary, she's glad the memories
lead her to River so she can rid herself of the nightmare memories. Although
the girls personality clash big time, they know they must unite to fight the
powers of the Book. River has the Book back, why hasn't her memories returned?
Right away, I see there is no setting details and really, there is no conflict. It's more "story" than conflict. I have the consequences River will face, along with others involved. But no conflict and no STAKES. NO SETTING.
What conflict does River face? What are her stakes? What kind of setting does River's story include?
Time for revise! Let's do it!
Okay, River's conflict is is huge. There is way to much she must overcome. Let me list them.
The powers of the Book are strong
Others are after the book, too
River is loosing her identity and therefore her memory
She gets sidetracked trying to help Shae
So, this is a good start.
For the setting:
This is really many. Because the places River travels to are varied. So I need to nail down a description of the magical, mystical land in which she lives and travels to. Hmmm...
Any suggestions would be much appreciated while I go rewrite this paragraph from scratch...