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Writer in Motion First Draft

Hey beautiful guys and dolls! Well, here is my very rough, very messy first draft. This is my first ever flash fiction piece! I know it needs sooooooooooo much work, but my idea is on paper, and I have good bones and plot pieces to work with. My ideas didn't come out as I had anticipated, BUT I think I can turn this into something I love!

I have several elements I want to add still, but since no editing was allowed on this draft, (you have no idea how hard it was not to edit this. I wanted to so bad) I just wrote the bare bone idea to get started.

My initial idea was The Cloud Goddess, and a Native American fairytale retelling. So, here goes...It's messy, and it's a fire pit, but look at the potential...(this is what my CP's keep saying. Thanks guys. I love ya!)



PS.

I plan to get detailed with my writing process, but first, I have to make sense of all the messy notes and blurbs I've written. Some, even on notepads and napkins!











The Imposter We Traded


There were three of us girls, all turning sweet sixteen. Nothing sweet about today. For the other two girls, anyway. I feel sorry for them really. They are my friends, after all. We cling to the Warriors Wand with one hand and in the other hand, the Torchlight. We lean precariously over the clone cloud portal. I wonder how long this ritual will last.
Above us, on the other side of the foggy screen, a cloud goddess is strapped into a semi-reclining bed, looking every bit as cloud-ish as humanly possible. Essence Hayle is in her human form, but she looks more like dirty, evaporated water than human. Her skin is a clear, bluish color, laced with black lightening bolt veins running up and down her arms instead of the usual luminous pink. 
Thunder’s song come to life, shrill and loud, like a storm siren,, then fades into one, long high-pitched whistle. Red, flashes of lightening brighten the sky, and voices spill through the stormy haze on the far side of the sky.
“What’s going on? What happened to Essence?” the girl to my left asks, squinting at the sky. There are shadows moving around on the other side of the clouds, but I can’t make out who the shadows belong to.
The girl to my right clicks her teeth. A shiver runs through me. “How am I supposed to know. This is why we’ve been summoned. Storm’s a brewing. They come, they go. So, who is leaving today?” she asks, a tear in her eye. Like she know her fate is in my hand.
The wind is whipping my hair, my clothes, which have faded to black, yet, all around me is still, quiet. The wind howls, but nothing else seems be bothered. Even the dark clouds are unmoving, even as my hair flies and whips in my face.
My friend to right of the Warrior Wand turns into ice crystals. Like snowflakes that melt as they land on my fingertips, she disappears. I stare, a small grin on my lips. 
I kow what is happening.
Essence is playing Ring Around the Warrior Wand. She is trying to make a clone of herself. I will not be the one who melts away. With a tiny twinge of guilt, I aim my Torchlight at my friend, sho stands on my left side. Like a snowman on a sunny, warm day, to melts into a puddle.
Essence smiles at me through the fog. With a nod, the storm erupts, lightning, wind, hail, and rain. She had won, and I was her clone, the Could Goddess of Storms.
I raise the Torchlight toward the heavens and fire the magic. With perfect aim, the fire slams Essence in the chest. I watch as she melts, and mingles with the hail.

Now, I truly am the Cloud Goddess.

Comments

  1. I love re-tellings, you never know how each person will perceive a story and make it their own and I think you did a magical job with this one. I can't wait to see where it goes from here. ;-)

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  2. Fantastic bones! Already you paint such a vivid picture, especially in your description of the cloud goddess Essence. I want to know more about the cloning in this magic system!

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Writer In Motion CP feedback

Hey beautiful guys and dolls!

Here it is! My CP feedback edited story. Had a hard time with this, but I hope it makes sense. I've got a post I'm working on I plan to put up after Thanksgiving.


Here ya go. Enjoy...


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