tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post8243086872705757545..comments2023-10-20T04:44:55.665-05:00Comments on Ink in the Book: #11Ink in the Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03117718811407968345noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-82292380140271440312013-02-12T13:13:36.119-06:002013-02-12T13:13:36.119-06:00The next line? Well the focus swings back to the m...The next line? Well the focus swings back to the men. Are they knights? Cause that'll mean dragons.<br /><br />This piece is tightened as far as I am willing to go with it without specific reasoning as to why I should alter it, I've already cut and reworded this until I was sick to death of reading anything.<br />Having another read it aloud would be impossible given the lack of willing people and my inability to focus on someone doing so for long due to my hearing. That last is not an excuse but a fact, like there are no writing groups in my area leaving me with online communication. That's what I get for being at the bottom of the world.<br /><br />Guess this story will sit with me a while longer, right alongside my epic science fantasy (that is too "out there" for anyone to want) and my semi-historic paranormal (that I have an R&R on) until a decision is reached on my other fantasy tale.Aldrea Alienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05652344290376563676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-28361615449533354262013-02-12T09:48:29.890-06:002013-02-12T09:48:29.890-06:00I think there's more to the story! Sometimes w...I think there's more to the story! Sometimes we're afraid to "bloom" and I think you might be there. That's why I suggest reading out loud. Perhaps, a trusted writing partner could read to you? It sounds simple, but there's a lack of focus because you have so many wonderful things happening. I'm quite pleased by the work, but it needs to tighten to the point that I can't stand to NOT read the next line. Does that make sense? Right now, I'm not certain what the next line will bring me.akaterriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07035284161583841254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-22414955121585692332013-02-10T15:57:00.482-06:002013-02-10T15:57:00.482-06:00Thank you for reading my entry. Unfortunately, ove...Thank you for reading my entry. Unfortunately, over the years, I've done what you've suggested numerous times and have had it critiqued even more.<br /><br />Is there anything specific you would be willing to point out that I could focus on?Aldrea Alienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05652344290376563676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-19288340167151486962013-02-09T18:48:45.389-06:002013-02-09T18:48:45.389-06:00Incredibly vivid. I invite you to read this work a...Incredibly vivid. I invite you to read this work aloud to yourself. I know you are capable of improving the story. That's when I would like to see it.akaterriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07035284161583841254noreply@blogger.com