tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post7496298684983357131..comments2023-10-20T04:44:55.665-05:00Comments on Ink in the Book: GUTGAA Pitch #9 The Rabbit Ate My HomeworkInk in the Bookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03117718811407968345noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-60597828986387409682012-10-02T17:52:26.383-05:002012-10-02T17:52:26.383-05:00You've got my vote!
I love the humor of this ...You've got my vote!<br /><br />I love the humor of this entry. Good luck!Goldilocksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-11871841558288221832012-10-02T14:07:45.431-05:002012-10-02T14:07:45.431-05:00I really like the voice that shines through in bot...I really like the voice that shines through in both the query and the first 150 words. This sounds like such a cute story. Everything in the query, the stakes and choices are well stated.<br /><br />I honestly wouldn’t change anything about this entry. If I had more votes, this would have gotten one. I think ultimately the reason I didn’t choose it was I tend to go for a little darker stories. I’m sure this is a fantastic read, and this is just my opinion. One lowly author’s preference. So if I were you I wouldn’t change anything and hope that the other judges are funnier than I am. Good luck!Im Just Sayinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-43480640045921703652012-10-02T11:42:46.492-05:002012-10-02T11:42:46.492-05:00Love the voice and the story sounds awesome!
My o...Love the voice and the story sounds awesome!<br /><br />My only thought is if you cut 'to do' in the first sentence, then the flow to the next sentence would be a bit smoother. Cutting it would also eliminate the having 'do' repeat in the first and third sentences.<br /><br />Goldilock's pellet suggestion made me laugh like a crazy woman :)<br /><br />Good luck! Bunnies rule.<br /><br />Trish Esdenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02049667128434033805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-9893349068441046702012-10-01T20:11:02.101-05:002012-10-01T20:11:02.101-05:00I'm leaving comments and then coming back with...I'm leaving comments and then coming back with my votes.<br /><br />Your title caught my eye right away while your query has plenty of voice. It sounds like a middle grade boy. You might want to be more specific on the prank war because it felt like the query dragged a bit here. Also, consider tweaking up the phrases 'grounded for sure. Probably till Grade Seven' and 'he's gonna die'. They could be stronger with voice. Tie those somehow to the rabbit. Something like: <br /><br />If she tells him she wants to be his girlfriend, he's gonna spit rabbit pellets.<br /><br />Overall, you do a great job pulling me in. Goldilocksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5261136679185070760.post-30230788302221231932012-10-01T17:44:01.923-05:002012-10-01T17:44:01.923-05:00I love the voice of this query! You really get a s...I love the voice of this query! You really get a sense of Drew's voice. I have no suggestions. You did an awesome job and I hope you get to move forward! Mara Valderranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04718957990733048214noreply@blogger.com